


Wherever You Go

by xDestinyIsCallingx



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, old married spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 17:22:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDestinyIsCallingx/pseuds/xDestinyIsCallingx
Summary: Spock carries guilt over the years of Kirk's death and having not been there. Over time he comes to accept his death but when a mission goes wrong that lands him in an alternate universe he finds something he thought he'd lost.





	Wherever You Go

**Author's Note:**

> Poem reference from here https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/you-will-always-hold-my-heart
> 
> I worked on this for three days staying up soooo late so I could have it finished by today. September 15th, Spirk day!!  
> If there are any mistakes I'm sorry, I've read through it a few times and edited but I gave myself a headache and I can't see anymore XD  
> I hope you enjoy it!!

**Stardate: 2371.05**

  
Seventy-eight years. That's how long Jim had been dead. He'd been announced missing and presumed dead when he had been involved in an accident aboard the Enterprise-B. Spock had been so involved with his work and responsibility as Ambassador that he'd not even known Jim had been missing until a short while later. He'd just short of demanded the full story on what happened that caused his disappearance and what was being done about it. It seemed, very little. He had been told that it was a lost cause and that James. T. Kirk was undoubtedly dead. There was no other feasible alternative to think other wise. The hull of the Enterprise-B had been breached and he had been down there when it had been hit. What other conceivable hope could there be of his survival?

It wasn't like he believed Jim could be dead, he didn't, but the fact was there wasn't much evidence to suggest otherwise. Spock remembered the words Jim had spoken not so long ago when he, McCoy and himself were on shore leave, sat around the fire, he had confessed that he knew that he wouldn't die because he wasn't alone. Jim had had Scotty and Chekov with him but he was not there with him. Spock was not there to prevent his friend, his t'hy'la's, death.

He'd admit that for a long time after most people had accepted Jim's demise, Spock had held a belief, perhaps to some a delusion, that Jim still lived. Call it an illogical feeling but something inside told him it just couldn't be the case. Spock often thought what could have been if Jim hadn't joined the unveiling of the new Enterprise. 

He'd had time to come to terms with having lost Jim in such an abrupt manner. Still he held the guilt of never putting as much time and effort into their relationship than he did his work over the years. Yes, they still communicated and even crossed paths whenever the Federation had something of importance for him to see to. Sometimes Jim would also be in the area, those times Jim always made the most of it and would, before Spock inevitably left again, invite him to dinner. Back then he didn't realise how much he'd come to cherish those moments, when they'd sit and reminisce until late into the night. Spock would always be aware of the time of night and knew that the next day he'd be expected to leave early, he also knew Jim knew how the night was getting on but they were both reluctant to let the evening end and part company once again. One time where he had been away for longer than usual and his correspondence with Jim had become practically non existent he had received something that he had kept with him ever since.

He'd been buried in his work as Ambassador and the more the Federation praised him the more they wished him to take on, the downfall of being exemplary. Due to this he scarcely paid attention to anything that wasn't tied to his duties as Ambassador, which caused him to not so much forget but not give a second thought to the date and it's significance; his birthday. He'd gone the whole day not doing anything out of the ordinary for the occasion but then again he never did, he had only ever participated in the usual tradition of birthday's not that long ago for his friend, Jim. He had given him an antique book, something Jim liked to collect. He had never acknowledged the day before, on the Enterprise Jim never really acknowledged his day of birth either but sometimes McCoy would still do a little something for Jim and Spock would notice that even though Jim had said that he hadn't wanted to mark the occasion he could tell he was pleased all the same. Spock hadn't allowed himself to participate in the tradition of gift giving back then it was something to show you cared, he was aware of that and Spock wasn't ready then to show that he cared, oh how he cared. Ever since his return from Vulcan and his aborted Kolinahr practice his and Jim's relationship had new found meaning. He found he could allow Jim inside. So, for once in his life he let sentimentality guide his actions every once in awhile.

This day however he had been surprised to have it acknowledged at all. After what had been a long day he retired to his lodgings and was surprised to find a message waiting for him on his computer. Before he even saw who the sender was he had already subconsciously guessed. Of course it was Jim Kirk. The message had been frivolous in it's beginnings but had turned almost melancholy by it's closing. Spock had taken in the image of Jim through the hologram and found he missed him. Once the message ended he made a vow to himself that once he was finished with his business on this planet he would take time to visit Jim, they had neglected each other too long now.

But things had kept cropping up that needed his attention and like most foolish humans do they assert to themselves regularly that something important to them, that they have yet to attend, will be gotten to in due time. Spock had fallen into that pattern of putting off seeing Jim for one more assignment, one more diplomatic mission that needed his urgent attention. When he thought back, did they really? Was someone else just as capable of taking on a few of those tasks? In the end it had been too late, Spock had been too late, Jim was gone.

After that Spock had taken a piece of Jim everywhere he went. Spock still had Jim's birthday message saved from when he would play it to remind him of his resolution on his visiting Jim once he had time. Now, that message hung around his neck in a pendant. He had transferred the message to it so that this time Jim could come along with him wherever he went.

This is how it went until Spock had no choice but accept his friend was dead. That night once alone he went to his room and meditated for quite some time. Feelings turmoiled inside of him, one that had emerged quite a few times throughout his relationship with Jim was guilt. It re-surged with a vengeance tonight, once again he had failed Jim in another way but this time he could not make amends, another emotion that until now he had managed to keep at bay was regret, he had never felt it as strongly as right now and he would carry it until his death. Once he had meditated until the early hours of the morning, he felt he could settle his mind no more and decided to rest. He lay on his bed and stared into the darkness. It wasn't often he admitted to his human half sometimes rearing it's head and being close to being the dominant driver but now the illogical responses to things that could not be changed warred in his head, what ifs swirled around making him restless. The sky started to become lighter eventually, beginning to turn an old rose colour. As he lay there his hand travelled up to his chest where the pendant rested, he held it between two fingers twisting it in his hold as he studied it, the light beginning to glint off of it. He finally held it up and opened it. The image of Jim flickered a moment and the speech glitched causing Jim to repeat his words a couple of times. Spock watched Jim smile and now, looking with guilt clouding his vision, could see a hint of something in Jim's eyes, maybe some sadness. He hadn't noticed that before, maybe he hadn't wanted to.

_"You once said being a star-ship captain was my first best destiny... if that's true, then yours is to be at my side. If there's any true logic to the universe ... we'll end up on that bridge again someday."_

Spock desired that more than anything else but was that not the cruelty in having an irrational human half? To still long for something that could now never be obtained. And this time it wasn't just something that scared him to want like so many years ago when he had fled to Gol to partake in Kolinahr because his feelings towards Jim and all of his friends confused him but then feeling Jim's need for him had destroyed any hope to wipe clear any essence of his human half, but it turned out in the end that was not his path. His path had always lain with Jim and it always would but unlike then, when he could look into Jim's eyes, take his hand and make amends for leaving, he was unable to recompense.

Spock closed his eyes, the image of Jim smiling ingrained in his mind as he let the message run again...

 

_"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."_

 

Spock closed his eyes and drifted off into visions of a ship, a bridge, a chair and a voice floating in that teasing tone that was so familiar.

 

_I now have to live without you but know that you are oh so near._

_It was such a tragedy, something I will always fear._

_I have come to accept it now that you are not here with me._

_I guess it was fate, something that was meant to be._

_If it were my decision, you would still be here._

_It seems that you have disappeared._

_My heart has lost you; it hurts just to think_

_You were here one moment, then you were gone in a blink._

 

A few months passed and Ambassador Spock was trusted with a very important mission. One that he had readily taken. A star was in danger of going super nova and would destroy Romulus if left to it's own devices. Spock took the responsibility on himself, promising the Romulans that he would save them. The plan involved taking red matter and injecting it into the star, creating a black hole to consume the star. He had his ship with the red matter on board all ready. That morning he woke, dressed, placed the pendant around his neck, tucked it inside his robes and left for his one way trip. Yes, he was aware that he would most likely not be returning from this. The artificial black hole would most likely not only consume the star but by the time he even attempted to maneuver the ship out of the way it too would be engulfed in the implosion.

He was wished luck by a few Romulan Ambassadors who preemptively thanked him for his help. He didn't know whether they knew or not about his unlikely return, he didn't bother to tell them. It would be doubtful that they would try and dissuade him at this point and at any rate he had already made his decision. This was what he wanted. He boarded the ship and started it up. The computer greeted him as he input the co-ordinates.

_"Choice of trajectory ill-advised. Anomaly obstruction."_

Spock by passed the warnings and locked in the course. As the ships engines came to life he touched the place where the pendant rested just under his robe.

"I shall be with you again soon... t'hy'la."

Everything was going as planned. He was en route, he prepared the red matter to inject into the star but then the unexpected happened. The star went into super nova. He hadn't been fast enough, Romulus had been destroyed but the mission still remained. The super nova still had to be maintained. The end result would still happen one way or another. He felt remorse for the Romulans he had been sure that he would have been in time to save but hadn't predicted the inevitability that the star was at such a volatile stage.

He jettisoned the red matter into the star. It had the desired effect and a black hole was created, swallowing it up. His ship started to shake as the pull of the black hole put strain on the engines, he sat back in the pilot's chair and turned them off. The ship still shook but descended further into the black hole with much less resistance, the flashing warning lights ceased and he closed his eyes and clutched at the thing that contained his heart.

Suddenly the uncontrollable shaking of the ship stopped. Spock considered this strange but was prepared for any moment to know nothing. Seconds passed and Spock knew that he had not been consumed by the black hole, the ship and him should have been swallowed by the dark mass by now. A hollow sense of disappointment settled inside of him. He opened his eyes and felt a wave of something, perhaps fear.

A Romulan mining ship was dead ahead of him. They hailed him.

Nero, commander of the Romulan mining ship, Narada, was anguished. He took Spock's ship captive, blaming Spock for the destruction of his home world. Spock tried to explain but Nero was so overwhelmed with pain and anger that Spock's words meant very little. Spock knew from the look in Nero's eye that he would not let Spock go. Not by the hands of a super nova then, Spock thought.

But yet again Spock was spared. Nero decided death was too good for him and instead decided to maroon Spock on the desolate planet, Delta Vega. There he was made to witness the destruction of his own home world. Even though it was a parallel Vulcan it pained him no less to see it consumed, all those innocent lives who had nothing to do with Spock's failure had paid the price. It was his fault.

Not long after Nero's ship departed and he was left to fend for himself on this planet did he decide to find somewhere to shelter. The cold winds had picked up and snow and ice whipped about him, making his ears hurt and it hard to see.

He got used to life on Delta Vega over time, he had learned to live through the harsh conditions, learned how to avoid the dangerous and strange creatures that inhabited this planet and knew which hours to stay inside so as not to be subjected to the sub zero temperatures. And so it went like this, day after day, month after month. It would seem that he would live out his days like this to either be taken by age or the hostile conditions of this planet.

Which ever came first.

Then something happened that he would never have expected. Jim Kirk. Young and... different. The first thing Spock noticed was his eyes. Not soft hazel but brilliant blue.

"James. T. Kirk." He said unbelievably. "How did you find me?" A hint of wonderment tinging his words.

There were things Jim had done that had confused him greatly in the past for his sake but this time he was not confused but unable to quite believe that once again Jim had come for him.

"What?" Jim's voice brought him back to his attention. "I'm sorry. Who are you?"

Spock checked himself, yes, this was Jim. But not his Jim. "I am Spock."

Jim had been confused and didn't believe him at first, to be expected. Spock hesitated a moment, perhaps a mind meld would clear things up. He approached Jim who backed up looking between his raised hand and him with caution.

"A mind meld would be more efficient to explain." Spock held his position until Jim nodded for Spock to continue. As soon as their minds clashed it was overwhelming, this mind felt familiar yet strange all at once. This Jim had been through different experiences than his own, still the same man but different journey's to become him. For one thing this Jim seemed to be a lot more unruly than his universe's. Still the sharp mind he came to know so well but his path had been changed by his father's death, his mother's absence and the standard he held himself to, no change there then. He was also shocked to learn that this universe's version of himself had marooned his Jim here. It would seem that his and Jim's alternate selves were at great odds with each other, it was disconcerting to think of Jim and himself anything other than allies. Unfortunately, mind melds were usually a two way connection meaning both of the participants emotions mixed. His anguish from his lost planet flowed through but he carefully held back his great emotion towards his close friend of many years, this Jim would most likely not understand and it was of paramount importance that he not alter anything too important such as the natural course of this Jim and Spock's relationship.

Spock eventually convinced this world's Jim to go back and take command of the Enterprise. It was crucial that Jim be at the helm of that wonderful ship and he hoped that this Spock would understand why in due time.

Some months passed again and Spock knew this wasn't his destiny. From talking to Scotty before he left with Jim he discovered that cargo ships came and went every few months to bring supplies, he would board one and find his purpose in this parallel existence. Vulcan's who were not planet bound when their world was destroyed would need guidance and help to regrow the population, this is what he would dedicate himself to now and perhaps if ever this world's Jim or Spock ever needed some wisdom, as long as it did not change the natural course of things, he would be of assistance.

It was one month until the next cargo ship was scheduled to arrive. He had spent so long residing in that cave that he had decided to stay there even though technically now that Scotty had left there was spare quarters. For some reason the place had almost become some sort of place that Spock felt like he deserved to be, his prolonged self penance.

One night he was sitting around the fire, looking into the flames, the pendant hanging from his neck the fire light reflecting off of it. He looked down at it for some reason tonight it felt heavier than ever. He took it off and held it up to hang in front of his face, he had kept this close to his person for seventy-eight years and every one of those years it had become more and more a source of comfort to him. Now, tonight as he contemplated his new path in life he wondered if he should let it... him go. He held it out and away from himself, closer to the fire. Emotions conflicted within him. His hand shook.

_Let it go. Just let it go, let him go._

The chain slipped through his fingers and fell but stopped short of the tips of the flickering flames. The pendant was gripped in his palm in a white knuckled grip. How could he? This was all that was left of the man he-- his shoulders slumped as he held the pendant close again. Could he not admit it, even to himself, after all this time? He opened up the pendant and watched the holo-message that he had not dared to look at ever since he came to be here. Now, gazing upon Jim's face, his Jim's face, it opened the emotional flood gates. Grief that he had kept suppressed for far longer than he cared to admit welled up and he was lost to it.

If he was honest with himself for a while now he had been feeling out of sorts, every now and then feeling a ghost sensation fluttering through his mind, a caress he had long since experienced. He had put it down to his meld with the alternate Jim and ignored it but there were instances, like tonight, where he swore he felt a connection long since severed. Maybe now in his old age he was beginning to become delusional. But he was sure that the link became stronger every passing day. But then after a few moments it was gone again. Spock closed his eyes as he calmed himself, his mind was most unsettled and it disturbed him how difficult it was to reign in the hopeful fantasies that his mind leaped to whenever that familiar sensation would appear.

The roar of the wind outside echoed through the icy walls and he knew that a storm was picking up something fierce outside, it would calm him somewhat knowing that it was cutting him off from everything, that if you looked outside you couldn't see much further than your nose as the the snow whipped around. He settled his breathing but then he heard a noise that most certainly wasn't the wind. A creature? Nothing should be out in this weather. He clambered up to grab one of the sticks from the fire, ready to defend himself if need be. The sounds got clearer as they neared, his attuned hearing tried to discern what it was, then... it was gone. Spock straightened but still held the make shift weapon. He made to put the stick back into the fire when he heard a voice call out.

"Hello?"

Spock froze.

"Is anyone here?"

It could not be, he thought. His heart raced and for a moment his senses became muffled. It was impossible, wasn't it? Am I hallucinating? Dreaming? He could hear the shuffling of feet, coughing.

"Spock?"

 

_Jim._

 

Spock knew that he had entered the cave and had noticed him. He couldn't bring himself to turn around and face the possibility of this not being real, to let this zing of joy be crushed just yet. He turned his head just slightly to see if there was in fact someone there, his thought process stopped dead at that moment. He approached closer, Spock couldn't move.

"Spock, is that you?" Jim's voice. Sounding just as scared as he felt.

Spock gathered his resolve and slowly turned to face the one person he daren't hope see again.

"Yes, Jim." Spock's voice felt raw and he felt weak in every sense of the word. The man he had lost so long ago and missed every day since then was now here, right in front of him. His brow was furrowed, confusion dominating now, how could this be possible? He looked over Jim, his graying hair, speckled with snow, his lined face, his warm eyes. All as he remembered. "How are you here?"

Jim was lost in his own perusal of Spock's person. A small smile graced his lips. "It's hard to explain." Then his own brow furrowed. "You... Are you-" He gestured helplessly towards Spock. "You?"

Spock didn't understand for a moment but then it clicked. "I am your Spock. From your timeline." Jim seemed to be relieved, his shoulders lowered and that smile graced his features again. "Jim... How is it you're alive?"

His smile turned sad. "I'm not totally sure. It's... complicated" 

Spock studied him a moment. "You haven't changed since I saw you last."

"That's what's hard to explain."

Spock nodded. He gestured to the rocks by the fire. "Would you like to sit by the fire?"

Jim moved immediately obviously waiting to be allowed to enter further. He sat down. Spock just watched as Jim uncovered his hands and held them towards the fire. Jim cupped his hands around his mouth and blew warm air into them whilst looking up to Spock. "Aren't you going to sit?"

Truth be told Spock was a little afraid to get closer to Jim. Foolish really but all the same he was. He hesitantly sat across from Jim and stared pointedly into the fire, strange how the one thing he cared about most in this universe was across from him when all odds were against that ever happening again and yet he couldn't bring himself to look upon that face.

Jim himself was bubbling over with happiness, for so long he had felt he would be alone in a foreign universe, so similar to his own and yet just different enough to throw him off. He knew it wasn't a simple case of being stranded on another planet far out in space and maybe one day finding a way home, this was it. This was another dimension and he was alone. Not any longer though. He'd been here for a little while now and he'd been making his way by captaining cargo ships. Delta Vega had been his last visit and he had gotten into conversation with the skeleton crew here and it turned to the subject of a person wanting to catch a ride with them. He had inquired after who and the more they described the person who had been here before when Scotty was in charge of this station the more it sounded like it was his Spock. Impossible he thought at first, how could he be here? Everyone home would probably think he was dead and he wasn't even sure how he managed to get to this reality in the first place so how would anyone else ever find a way to find him? Spock would he had thought fondly. So, he had thought what would be the harm in seeing for himself, he tried to dispel the notion but the nagging feeling that maybe, just maybe Spock had come for him would not leave him alone, so here he was. He looked at Spock, he looked older, much older than last he saw him. Warmth flooded Jim all the same.

"Spock."

He peered up at Jim.

"I have to ask. How did you find me?"

Spock looked quizzical for a moment and then inhaled as he shook his head. "I did not."

Jim inclined his head, not understanding.

"It was you who found me. How though, escapes me. You were considered dead."

Jim nodded solemnly. "I presumed so." He considered Spock's age then. "How long?"

Spock cocked his head.

"How long has it been?"

"Jim..." Too long, thought Spock. "Seventy-eight years."

Jim was shocked at that. "That long?" He suddenly felt crashing wave of guilt and sorrow heavy in his heart. "I'm sorry, Spock."

"There is nothing to be sorry for on the contrary I would thank you."

Jim was taken aback. "Thank me? Whatever for?"

"Being alive."

Jim was overwhelmed then. He cleared his throat and tried to duck his head and hide the tears that welled in his eyes. "Spock-" His voice broke and he swallowed to clear the lump in his throat. "Spock." He lifted his head to look Spock in the eye. "There's something I still don't understand. How did you come to be here?"

"A most strange affair." Jim smiled at Spock's face, at his crinkled brow and the way he spoke when explaining something he didn't wholly understand. "I am unsure of how it was possible but it began when I was tasked with saving the Romulan people from a volatile star that would inevitably turn super nova. I was to inject it with red matter and create a black hole which would engulf it and eliminate the problem." Spock turned solemn. "But I was too late, by the time my ship came close enough to administer the red matter it exploded, taking Romulus with it. I still had to finish what I had started, if the star was not stopped, other worlds would suffer the same fate. So, once the black hole was created the ship was too close and I was pulled in. I can only presume that some kind of portal between the two universes was created allowing me to pass through."

Jim listened but found issue with part of Spock's story. "Spock, your mission to save the Romulan's... your ship, were you the only one tasked for this?"

"It was more than likely that I would not return. It was considered a kamikaze run."

Jim felt thick emotion in his throat again. "Spock..."

"It was logical, Jim. The Romulans were in need of aid and I had nothing to leave behind if I should die."

Jim felt anger spike through his haze of sadness. "Spock, how could you think that? How could you choose that so easily?"

"Forgive me, Jim. If I seem to have had little regard for my life then but I had decided long before that that there was little worth living for, ever since you..."

Jim couldn't form words to say to that. Spock couldn't be saying what he thought he was. He suddenly had the need to be close to Spock, he got up and sat by his side, facing him. "Spock." He cautiously placed a hand over Spock's, only gently, waiting hesitantly to see if his touch would be welcome. Spock surprised him by turning over his hand and holding Jim's.

Spock didn't say anything for a while just looking at the joined hands and how Jim rubbed his thumb gently over his. Spock would have liked to have stayed like that a little longer but he still needed to know how Jim survived.

"Jim, I am most curious how you managed to survive."

Jim sighed as he reluctantly released Spock's hand to explain. Spock missed the contact immediately.

"I don't know, Spock. One moment I'm in the hull of the Enterprise desperately trying to repair some shorted circuits the next I'm being sucked out into space." A chill ran up Jim's spine, he couldn't tell if it was from the cold or his remembering the moment he was sure he would die. Spock noticed this and took back Jim's hand but this time held it between both of his.

"Jim, if you are uncomfortable-"

"No, it's okay. It's just I don't remember a whole lot after that. I remember being pulled out into space, not being able to breathe, feeling cold and then, nothing. Next thing I knew I was here."

"Most curious." Spock said. Jim watched as Spock's eyes flickered with something he couldn't quite decipher.

"What's wrong Spock?"

Spock shook his head. "Nothing. I find that I am... happy." A smile teased the corner of Jim's lips. "I had hoped against hope that you had somehow survived even when logic dictated that it was impossible. I had never imagined-" He found his emotion too great to continue and he brought one hand to clasp at the pendant. Jim looked at what he was holding curiously.

"What's that?"

Spock wordlessly took it off and held it out to Jim, he took it and turned it over in his hand. He made to open it but looked to Spock first to make sure he was okay with him doing so. Spock gave an affirmative nod. Jim carefully opened it and almost started crying as his message he had sent Spock for his birthday started to play. He never saw the end of it though, he knew how it ended. It clattered to the floor as Jim threw himself into Spock's arms. Spock, although surprised by Jim's reaction at first, didn't hesitate for long in bringing his arms around Jim.

"All this time?" Jim asked a little dumbfounded.

"Always, Jim."

Neither wanted to be the first to let go but Jim realised he still had something to divulge.

"Spock, I should probably tell you why I'm here."

Spock pulled back looking at Jim quizzically. "You have just told me."

"I mean, here. On this planet."

"I was curious as to how you found me here of all places."

Jim smirked. "Well, there was word of a pesky Vulcan hanging around and I thought to myself that's sounds familiar."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "Any other words that I should be aware of?"

"Only that you're looking for a ride out of here and I just so happen to have one."

"You have a ship?"

"Well, technically. I'm a captain, of sorts, on a cargo ship."

"Fascinating." Spock could scarcely believe that this was happening.

Jim stood suddenly unsure of himself. He looked into the fire. "What do you say, Spock?" He turned to face him. "You and me." He jerked his head over his shoulder. "Out there again."

Spock looked away a moment. His answer was yes, of course it was yes, but his mind still denied that this was real. Suddenly, a memory resurfaced.

 

_"Captain, you almost make me believe in luck."_

 

_"Why, Mister Spock. You almost make me believe in miracles."_

 

He was not one to believe in such things but how could one think any different when Jim had survived against all odds and ended up in the same universe as him, bringing them together once again.

Spock hadn't said anything for a minute or so and Jim suddenly felt very self conscious. Spock turned to Jim with a softness in his eyes.

Jim's expression softened also, he held out his hand. "Come on, I need you."

Spock stood and took Jim's hand. "I find myself sharing that sentiment. It has been said before that the place where I truly belong, is by your side."

Jim looked coy. "I would not presume to debate you."

"That is wise."

They searched each others eyes, the sounds of the harsh winds and the crackling fire fading away until all that was left was them. Jim then remembered his ship.

"Shall we go?"

Spock listened to the ever raging storm outside. "It would be unwise to travel back to the base at this time, wouldn't you say?"

Jim shrugged. "I don't know. I made it here alright."

"Yes. The fact that you decided to face the harshness of this planet's storms alone is extremely disquieting. You should not have chanced it."

"Maybe so. But with the possibility of you being on the other side of it? How could I not?"

"You are as reckless as ever."

"It would seem I am at my most reckless when it comes to affairs concerning you."

Tenderness overtook Spock's face. "Indeed."

Jim's eyes sparkled as they took in Spock again. If Spock intended to stay here until the storm passed he was content with that, he'd do whatever Spock wanted to do, he didn't care. Hell, if Spock suddenly said he wanted to live here from now on, he'd do it.

They ended up huddled together around the fire, listening to the storm outside. They had much to talk about and discuss but all of that could wait. They sat side by side, Jim leaning into Spock, one hand enveloped in Spock's while the other was busy caressing and studying Spock's free one. Spock felt so untroubled in that instant. If he could freeze time and stay in this moment forever he would be extremely tempted to do so.

They had drifted off to sleep in that state, leaning into each other, faces smooth with calm. Spock awoke first and for a moment was somewhat hazy. Images from last night flared to the forefront of his mind, the warm weight of something at his side accompanied them. For a split second he feared it had all been a dream and that he was still feeling the residual effects but the groan and movement coming from beside him invalidated his dread. Jim was here, he was real. He watched as Jim's face creased from the uncomfortable position they had slept in. His eyes filled with affection.

Jim stretched, his back aching from the hard ice floor. He opened his eyes to be met with dark, brown ones. He smiled.

"Good morning, Jim."

"Did you even sleep?" Jim asked as he looked at Spock's slightly disheveled appearance.

"I did." He looked towards the cave entrance. "It would seem that the storm has passed. We should go if we wish to avoid another one."

Jim stood up, stretching out his back more. "You're right. They'll be waiting. Usually once we make a stop we don't stay so long."

"Then we must return with haste."

"I suppose we must." He made for the entrance of the cave. He stopped and turned back when he noticed that Spock wasn't following him.

Spock looked after him, seemingly hesitant to take one step forward. His brow creased in his confusion of his feelings.

"What's wrong?"

"I am... loath to leave here."

Jim took a step back towards Spock. "Have you-" Jim swallowed facing the possibility that Spock didn't want this. "Have you changed your mind?"

Spock shook his head firmly. "No. I still wish to go with you."

"Then what's the matter?"

"I am afraid that if I step outside you will disappear. That the outside reality will not be as kind and I find myself more inclined to living here in this fool's paradise then out there where the alternative is not so appealing."

"Spock..." Jim's heart wrenched. He approached Spock, bringing his hand to Spock's face, hovering, not quite touching. "I'll admit, I'm slightly scared of that possibility as well. Who's to say I didn't get lost in that storm last night and am just hallucinating all this."

Spock took Jim's hand and guided it to cup his face, keeping his hand covering Jim's. "We are at an impasse it would seem."

"So it would, but my desire to start something with you out there far outweighs the fear of this all being a cruel illusion. I'm willing to find out."

Spock turned his face into Jim's palm. "Very well, Jim."

Jim took Spock's hand as they walked to the very edge of the cave's entrance. "Ready?" Jim said looking to Spock with an encouraging smile.

Spock gazed into Jim's face. He absorbed every line and detail, just in case he should take that step and find himself alone once again. He didn't answer as he stepped past the point of no return.

Spock stood as the cold wind whipped past his face not daring to look to his side, but he felt the warmth of Jim's hand still in his and his anxiety abated. He turned his head to look down into smiling eyes. He let himself feel his elation fully then. He'd been holding his joy at having Jim back but now he let it consume him full force and found a smile breaking out. "Why, Mister Spock, are you-"

Jim was cut off with Spock's mouth on his. Jim's eyes widened in shock, he hadn't expected when he had looked up at Spock, relief and happiness flooding him, that he would surge forward and capture his lips in a softer kiss than he anticipated from Spock's swiftness into it. Once his surprise passed he melted into it, he closed his eyes and reciprocated, pushing into the kiss causing Spock to straighten his posture as Jim invaded his personal space, bringing them flush together.

They broke apart from the overwhelming euphoria that surrounded them in that moment. Spock pressed their foreheads together. "Jim." He could sense the long neglected link start to shimmer to life again. "I have missed you."

Jim gave him another peck on the lips in answer. "Come on, let's go. Time's a-wasting."

They set off and not too long after Spock spotted the ship. It was by no means a grand ship or particularly significant in it's design but it had Jim written all over it. He looked over the ship as Jim went to settle his crew and their questions on his whereabouts. Once boarded they were on the equivalent of a bridge, albeit a very small one. Jim gave the order to haul out and as the ship departed Jim stood next to Spock.

Spock looked around and then at Jim. He seemed happy that he owned a ship no matter the career and it showed in his stance, there was something else that the crew noticed that their captain emanated that they couldn't quite put their finger on but they hadn't seen him like this before, they had no idea that the reason was standing opposite him.

Spock gazed at Jim and felt at last he had come home.


End file.
